North Surrey Midwife

Loss

2012-01-08T13:22:00.000-08:00

T'is the silence that's deafening

when the baby is born

into the midwives arms.

Warm, but still. No breath.

The mourning begins, as

the tears flow

for this sweet, sweet child

who is born into this world.

But not unto this life. This time.

T'is the silence that's deafening

as the bitter sweet tears roll down

the mothers cheeks.

And the fathers eyes; so empty, so sad. So sad.

The babe, swaddled and caressed. Perfect.

So real, yet so out of reach.

Not to be part of this world. This time.

T'is the silence that hurts

and the empty arms that ache.

Along with a heart - breaking.

Grieving

For a son, a daughter

A child

A life

A love.

Not this time.

Not yet.

Angela.

For Vincent. Born 28 December 2011.

For River. Born 20 July 2011.

For all the babies born as angels.

Baby your a Firework!

2011-11-13T11:52:00.000-08:00

This week has been incredibly busy with bookings and enquiries; must be something in the water! I was also privileged to attend a home water birth on Bon Fire Night. Instead of watching the local fireworks display, a beautiful little girl entered the world very quickly and swiftly much to her parents surprise and delight; this time we did make it into the pool but only just!

Welcome to the world baby girl.

Angela x

A home water birth.... almost!

2011-11-01T11:37:00.000-07:00

Well my waiting finally came to end (much to the relief of Mummy too) and my client birthed a lovely little boy at home on a sunny Sunday afternoon.

After a previous VERY long birth, my client had a much shorter labour this time around; planning a home water birth, her partner took his time to fill the pool (words were said!) and although all was going swimmingly (pun intended!) gravity was definitely needed to help birth the baby. Mummy breathed her baby out beautifully (no stitches)..... and the reason we were kept waiting? A pesky little hand on baby's head.

Well done mummy, well done daddy, welcome to the world Baby :-)

angela x

The Art of Waiting.... (patiently)

2011-10-15T08:24:00.000-07:00

There are many skills that a midwife needs to acquire, but the one that has perhaps challenged me most is the art of Waiting..... and waiting..... and occasionally waiting even more! This is what I have learnt:

A watched kettle (bump) never boils

'Switching off' is essential in order to lead a 'normal' life on call

Projects are a great way of distracting the mind

Family and friends have to be 110% understanding

It's worth the wait

Currently I am waiting for a friends baby, whilst my family are enjoying the last of the sunshine at the coast; a planned short break, but of course baby has other plans! My house is now incredibly tidy; the washing is up to date; the gardening is done; my hair has been cut; I have spent some gift vouchers that I received in July; my knitting project is well under way........ and I am still waiting.
'Tis the life of a midwife - and one I wouldn't change!
Angela x

Revealing the Lioness!

2011-10-07T07:49:00.000-07:00

I have been very fortunate over the past few weeks to have attended two wonderful home births. The women who let me into their homes and hearts both had personal challenges and fears to overcome in order to face and meet their labours and births; both needed to regain belief and confidence in their bodies, and to trust in the power of birth.

As I watched these amazing women dig deep, bare their souls, and allow nature to release it's full force, I couldn't help but feel I was part of something more than the birth of a baby; I was also present at the birth of a mother..... and the birth of a strong, fearsome Lioness!

I haven't cried at a home birth for a while; of course I shed tears of joy, but during both these births I shed soul tears for the courage, love and bravery that unfolded before me, and I was reminded that Women really are incredibly amazing. Wow!

Love, labour and loss

2011-08-09T01:51:00.000-07:00

I have always told people that that hardest thing in the world is becoming a parent: I was wrong. The hardest thing in the world is to become a parent, yet be unable to feel the warmth and love of your child, or be able to hold her in your arms on the dark days when parenting can seem all too consuming.

As a midwife, I am in the hugely privileged position of being with a couple as they make their journey to becoming parents and a family; it is a role I do not take lightly, but hold protected in my heart, honoured to be walking the path with them.

This last month, my mothers' heart has felt such pain, and I have been humbled to see the beauty and grace in which my clients birthed their baby and welcomed her into their arms. I left this new family with such a deep sadness; a midwife facilitates birth and helps to bring life into the world, and yet on this occasion that was not within my capacity; their beautiful precious daughter's soul was not to come earthside as she had died a few days earlier. We new this as we waited to meet her.

I was truly blessed to be part of their journey and continue to be so; I send you love and light,
Forever in my heart
Angela

Where is the love?.....

2011-06-13T13:51:00.000-07:00

Having recently spent some time in various NHS trusts, I am always amazed by several things:

1) The varying ways in which Independent Midwives are treated
2) The amazing work that NHS colleagues do in sometimes really difficult situations
and the saddest part
3) There is no LOVE in most units :-(

Having a baby for most women is a unique, life-changing event; they are facing the biggest challenge they may ever face in becoming a parent. Some women face this with confidence and ease, some in-difference and some complete terror; but all of these women deserve some patience, empathy and LOVE!

I can not begin to imagine how hard it must be to work full-time on a busy labour ward. I feel it is time that midwives are taken care of properly, with respect from management and team members, with love and care. Then they too can pass that on to the women and families that are central to midwifery care!

Angela

2011-01-21T11:55:00.000-08:00

I am embarrassed to note that it is almost a year since I last blogged - which is terrible!

Over the 12 past months I have had the pleasure and privilege of attending some really lovely home births - land and water - that have, as normal, left me in awe of how amazing birth is and how incredible women are! I read today in The Practising Midwife that only around 1% of births take place in water; that statistic is so shocking and I am saddened that so few women experience the support, warmth and comfort that a water birth can offer.

This week, I attended a lovely home water birth; baby number three for a lovely couple who have had two previous home water births. When I was booked I told this client she would probably give birth on the 19th as it was a full-moon. Not only was I right, but if you saw the moon on Wednesday you could not fail to notice how amazing it was. There was magic in the air that night when we welcomed their daughter into the world.

Angela

BOOKS BOOKS BOOKS!

2010-02-27T09:52:00.000-08:00

I just accosted a pregnant women in Waterstones - I know I shouldn't but I couldn't help it! The books available were a disappointing array of main stream 'nice' books, not one evidence based or challenging. So here is my list of the TOP 5 books for pregnancy and beyond:

Expecting (Anna Mcgrail and Daphne Metland)

The New Pregnancy and Childbirth (Sheila Kitzinger)

Ina May's Guide to Childbirth (Ina May Gaskin)

Stand and deliver (and other brillinant ways of giving birth) (Emma Mahony)

What mothers do (espcially when it looks like nothing) (Naomi Stadlen)

Wouldn't it be a move forward if these were found in all major bookshops!

enjoy
angela x

BIRTH RALLY

2010-02-24T08:56:00.001-08:00

Reclaiming Birth Rally
Sunday 7th March 2010

see www.independentmidwives.org for more information

Is having a home birth selfish?

2009-11-11T01:20:00.000-08:00

This was a question posted on the popular 'Mumsnet' website and caused a lot of response. I have thought about this question a lot (insomnia gives you time to think!), and I guess my response to that would be that there are many decisions we have to make as parents that are life changing, for example:

is it selfish to vaccinate / not-vaccinate?
is it selfish to place a child in full-time nursery care / be a full-time parent?
is it selfish to home-educate / use state schooling?
is it selfish to have one child / have 4+ children?

All of the decisions we make as parents are difficult ones: all we can hope to do is make the best decision, based on the information and evidence we have, at that time. Choosing to give birth at home does involve risks, but so does choosing to give birth in hospital and contrary to popular belief; hospital does not guarantee a safe outcome.

Planning a home birth based on the evidence available, is shown to be a safe, normal choice and is nothing new; Women have birthed, and will continue to birth in the place that feels right for them. The question of being selfish is therefore an unnecessary and judgemental one to pose. We are all individuals who have to make choices - as with the examples above they may not be the same choices that other parents may make, but they are no less valuable or 'right'. Birth and parenting is not 'black & white' but is made up of many shades, and every day brings new challenges and choices. I know I don't always get it right, but when it comes to important, life influencing decisions, I try to make the best decision I can at that time!

Selfishness aside, having a baby is a unique, life-changing experience; for some women they will need all the interventions that high-tech birth can offer, for some women they will choose to give birth in their local hospital, and for some women they will choose to give birth in the comfort of their own home. All choices should be respected, all women should receive the best care they can, and all women should feel supported in the decision they have made, rather than bullied, coerced or belittled into doing something that is not right for them.

HBAC (Home Birth After Cesarean)

2009-10-21T06:20:00.001-07:00

Looking at my friend and fellow IM website today, found this link - sums it up for me too! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MU5HIbjir8I enjoy. angela x

New birth-daze classes

2009-10-20T09:17:00.000-07:00

Well, after teaching NCT classes for 5 years I have taken the brave step and will be running my own classes! From January 2010, 'birth-daze' antenatal workshops go live - and I am very exctied about teaching them. Aimed at couples, the courses I hope will increase women's confidence in birth and their ability to give birth as well as helping birth partners feel more confident in their role. The local newspaper are running a feature on the classes - now why is it as soon as you start talking to a reported your brain turns to mush? Am blaming it on my heavy cold I have at the moment! Anyway, check out my website for info on the classes! angela x